For award-winning writer Brad Bertelli, life is about noticing the little things — especially when he’s hovering over coral heads offshore. His book, “Snorkeling Florida: 50 Excellent Sites,” reveals many of his favorites, and the reefs of the Florida Keys (renowned as North America’s most accessible dive and snorkel destination) best represent what the water has to offer.

"Snorkeling Florida" spotlights author and underwater aficionado Brad Bertelli's favorite Florida Keys snorkeling spots.

Brad’s favorite snorkeling sites include coral reefs, seagrass beds and shipwrecks. Luckily for aquatic enthusiasts, the Keys provide easy offshore access to each underwater environment. Water depths are typically shallow, and water temperatures range from the 70s in winter months to the 80s in summer — practically guaranteeing a safe and enjoyable trip.

If you’re a snorkeler, kicking from shore just beyond the seagrass beds will bring you to structures such as coral heads, rocks or outcroppings where you can see a variety of fish.

“Fish look for these ’condos‘ to live and dart in and out of,” Brad said.

Sightings increase, he advised, when the tide is changing or at low tide, and when there’s low wind — usually in the early morning hours before afternoon clouds build up and create surface chop.

Snorkeling sites in the Keys are shallow, allowing for maximum light (and color) exposure along the reef line. (Photo by Pat Taylor)

Keeping a slow pace is important as well. Snorkeling is not a race, so take your time to examine the reef, soaking it all in. The ease of snorkeling is what makes it so appealing for people of all ages and experience levels.

Key Largo is brimming with fine snorkeling spots — many of them in or near John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park. They include the north end of Molasses Reef, a beautiful and shallow strip of reef lush with schooling blue striped grunts and Florida favorites like sergeant majors, horse-eyed jacks and Bermuda chubs.

Just off Founders Park on Plantation Key is a group of coral heads between three and four feet tall. For a family with little kids, cruising down the jetty is great for spotting nurse sharks, rays, starfish and seahorses.

Off Islamorada’s Cheeca Lodge, Brad often hovers over “Cheeca Rocks,” a shallow, healthy cluster of robustly populated coral heads that aren’t heavily dived.

Shown here above water, Brad Bertelli offers informative insights on the Keys' underwater world based on his first-hand experience.

Indian Key, accessible by boat or a 25-minute paddle by kayak, is home to small critters like banded shrimp, damselfish and juvenile angelfish that crowd around lime-colored brain coral heads.

In the Lower Keys, though Looe Key is legendary for its glorious finger reef seascape, Brad said his all-time favorite shore snorkel is the untouched and uncrowded beauty at Bahia Honda State Park. In shoreside waters only four feet deep, you can spot “babies” from a variety of species including starfish and conch.

“What is so remarkable about snorkeling the Keys is how much you can see offshore without having to be on a boat,” stated Brad. “You can wade in off the beach and it’s truly breathtaking.”

Topics: Big Pine Key & Lower Keys, Florida Keys, Highlights, Islamorada, Key Largo, Keys Environment, Local Color, Marathon, On the Water

Before Chris Robinson became a Lower Keys fishing guide, he co-owned the All-Breeds Hot Dog Pound, tended bar for some 20 years at Key West’s landmark Chart Room and Louie’s Backyard, and shared adventures with Jimmy Buffett and other notables.

As a young Key West bartender in the 1970s and early '80s, Chris met writers, actors and musicians fleeing the “real world.” (Photos courtesy of Chris Robinson)

In fact, when Chris arrived in Key West in 1972, the 24-year-old from St. Augustine, Fla., found himself in a renegade seaport town. Politicos ran the government largely from the Chart Room Bar (where Chris captured a coveted bartending job), hobbyist pot smugglers were admired as romantic outlaws, and local treasure hunters drank rum with Pulitzer Prize–winning escapees from the literary mainstream.

Tall and spare, with long hair and a luxuriant moustache, Chris displays a storyteller’s wit, easygoing attitude and lively enjoyment of the absurd. During his early Key West years, those traits served him well in an offbeat venture begun with buddy Tommy Hicks.

“We opened the world-famous All-Breeds Hot Dog Pound on Greene Street,” said Chris. “Our motto was We Relish Your Buns.”

The business didn’t last long, but old-time Key Westers still wax nostalgic about the “pound’s” juicy hot dogs nestled in soft Cuban rolls.

At that time, Key West’s ramshackle charm and end-of-the-road atmosphere made it a magnet for writers, actors and musicians fleeing the “real world.” Among them were novelist and poet Jim Harrison, “Ninety-two in the Shade” author Tom McGuane and struggling singer/songwriter Jimmy Buffett, who later memorialized the Key West lifestyle in song and earned enduring fame.

Chris (at left holding a freshly-caught permit) eventually became a Keys fishing guide.

“He was not a star then,” said Chris. “He used to sit with his little guitar and amp and play in the Chart Room.”

The two became friends when Buffett moved into the oceanfront apartment above Chris’s beside a bar and restaurant named Louie’s Backyard.

By 1986, Chris was tending bar at the Afterdeck at Louie’s, an open-air cocktail deck on the edge of the Atlantic, whose clientele combined local fishermen, upscale tourists and visiting celebrities. It was a position he would hold for 18 years.

Yet while he enjoyed the Keys’ partying pursuits, Chris also was drawn to life on the water. An angler since his childhood, he bought a boat shortly after arriving in Key West and learned flats fishing tips from Tom McGuane.

In action on the Florida Keys flats, Chris guides anglers to tarpon, bonefish, permit, barracuda and the occasional shark.

Eventually he got his captain’s license and began guiding. In 2004, he retired from Louie’s Backyard and began chartering full time on his 18-foot Action Craft, fishing the flats for tarpon, bonefish, permit, barracuda and the occasional shark. He called his business Big Kahuna Charters.

Unlike some of his contemporaries, Chris enjoys guiding novice anglers as much as he does seasoned pros.

Poling through the shallows, he also shares his love of the diverse and vibrant Keys environment with his clients — pointing out sea turtles, spotted eagle rays, stingrays and manatees.

“I tell people it’s an eco-tour with a chance to catch a fish,” said Chris.

It might be a long road from the bartending high life to the natural realm of the flats, but Chris Robinson has traveled it with grace — and few regrets.

Some years back, while guiding a Chicago office worker on a February fishing escape, he realized just how lucky he was.

“It was about 80 degrees, the water had three different colors and the sky was that big, high-pressure clear deep blue,” said Chris, “and he looks at me and he goes, ‘Nice office’.”

Topics: Big Pine Key & Lower Keys, Florida Keys, Highlights, Key West, Keys Environment, Local Color, On the Water, Profiles

Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf? In Key West, nobody. And while Key West’s Wolf is certainly big, it’s only bad in the slang sense, where “bad” means seriously terrific.

The Schooner Wolf under full sail is a magnificent reminder of Key West's seafaring heritage. (Photo courtesy of the Schooner Wolf)

That’s because Key West’s “wolf” is the 74-foot gaff-rigged topsail Schooner Wolf, a majestic tall ship that’s been headquartered in the island city for some 25 years.

The flagship of the Keys’ Conch Republic, the Wolf is patterned after the 19th-century blockade runners that once plied the waters of the Florida Straits. The classic schooner has appeared in several movies, stars in Key West’s annual Pirates in Paradise festival, and is renowned for its humanitarian relief sails to needy Caribbean and Bahamian island communities.

But the Wolf is most notable for something else entirely: its owner and skipper, Captain Finbar Gittelman.

Captain Finbar Gittelman, a master seafarer with a roguish sense of humor, is the builder and skipper of the Wolf. (Photo by Rob O'Neal)

The epitome of an old salt, Captain Finbar bears a slightly unnerving resemblance to the wicked Barbossa in “Pirates of the Caribbean.” He has lived in Key West since the early 1970s and built his classic schooner in the early 1980s.

As admiral-in-chief of the Keys’ picturesque Conch Republic Navy, Finbar presides over the navy’s yearly sea battle with “federal invaders” — a highlight of the annual Conch Republic Independence Celebration. (By a strange coincidence, the navy ALWAYS wins). He’s also a legendary pirate king who, with his lady Julie McEnroe (a.k.a. Blossom), oversees Key West’s rollicking Pirates in Paradise festival.

However, there’s more to the captain than the personas he assumes with devil-may-care enthusiasm. In 1980 Finbar survived a deadly Caribbean hurricane at sea, spending three harrowing days in a tiny life raft after the ship he was piloting sank in the storm.

Shortly before the Wolf's departure for Haiti, volunteers load a portion of more than 10 tons of relief supplies destined for earthquake victims. (Photo by Rob O'Neal/Florida Keys News Bureau)

He has since sailed the Wolf on several missions of mercy after hurricanes and other natural disasters, carrying cargoes of relief supplies to desperate people in stricken Caribbean regions.

On Feb. 20, the Wolf departed Key West’s Historic Seaport for earthquake-ravaged Haiti, carrying more than 10 tons of food, water, medicine, tools and other supplies donated by Florida Keys residents and businesses.

Finbar and Julie expect the crossing to Haiti to take between five and seven days. Their final destination is a remote coastal area not accessible to larger relief ships, where members of the local fishing fleet will paddle their dugout canoes out to meet the schooner.

As the Wolf sets sail for Haiti Feb. 20, Finbar blows the conch horn in farewell while Julie waves goodbye to friends on the dock. (Photo by Rob O'Neal/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Not only will the Wolf bring these people lifesaving supplies — it also carries the good wishes of hundreds of Keys residents, and a part of the island chain’s vital spirit.

“People keep asking me why we’re doing this, and my answer is simple,” said Finbar. “We’re islanders, and we need to take care of our fellow islanders.”

So raise a glass in salute to the Wolf, to Finbar and Julie and the rest of the Haiti-bound crew. May they find fair winds and smooth seas, and a safe journey home.

Topics: Florida Keys, Highlights, Key West, Keys History, Local Color, On the Water, Profiles

Ever wondered why there’s a gigantic panorama of fish and other sea creatures wrapped around a four-story building in the median of the Overseas Highway in Key Largo?

Actually, it’s the brainchild of an internationally acclaimed marine life artist who just happens to live in the Upper Keys.

Marine life artist Wyland takes a break after putting finishing touches on his 7,500-square-foot marine life mural in Key Largo. (Photo by Andy Newman/ Florida Keys News Bureau)

The 7,500-square-foot wraparound mural, located at mile marker 99.2, depicts the living coral reef that parallels the Florida Keys — the only living coral barrier reef in the continental U.S. And thanks to artist and environmentalist Wyland, Keys visitors can preview that reef’s breathtaking ecosystem without getting wet.

For some 30 years, Wyland has used his artistic talent to raise awareness about the need to preserve and protect the oceans and their inhabitants. An avid diver who’s spent hundreds of hours happily submerged in Florida Keys waters, he credits the Keys reef for inspiring much of his work.

“The Florida Keys is one of the best places in the world to dive,” said Wyland. “Every time I dive I learn more, and then I try to incorporate that into my paintings and my sculptures and my murals.”

A diver explores the coral reef in the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary off Key Largo. (Photo by Bob Care/Florida Keys News Bureau)

In fact, just a few miles from the Key Largo mural site lies John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park, the first underwater preserve in the United States.

Pennekamp is incorporated into the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary, which covers about 2,800 square nautical miles of coral reefs, seagrass beds and mangrove swamp on both sides of the Keys island chain — with an indigenous population that includes more than 600 species of fish and 55 varieties of coral. Savvy underwater enthusiasts call the area one of the most fascinating dive sites on the planet.

Wyland’s Key Largo mural, completed in 2007, features manatees, manta rays, corals, sea turtles, fish and bottlenose dolphins.

“This mural is really the gateway to the Florida Keys,” said the artist, who has painted 99 other mammoth marine life murals on buildings around the United States, Australia, France, Japan and other far-flung locations including New Zealand.

Wyland details the eye of a manatee during the creation of his Key Largo mural. (Photo by Gary Firstenberg)

Another of his marine life panoramas graces a former warehouse in Key West’s Historic Seaport district, and a third overlooks the Overseas Highway at mile marker 50 in Marathon. Like all of Wyland’s murals, they’re designed to motivate environmental awareness and responsibility — particularly in children.

“Art is something that can touch people’s emotion,” he said. “You can choose not to go into a gallery or a museum, but you can’t ignore a giant mural. If people see this beauty, I know they’ll want to get involved in protecting it.”

Next time you drive into or out of the Keys, immerse yourself in the island chain’s coral reef ecosystem at mile marker 99.2. It’s a great introduction to the underwater world … and you don’t even need to leave your car.

Topics: Arts, Florida Keys, Highlights, Key Largo, Keys Environment, Local Color, On the Water

“You just keep fishing with it, Andy. I guarantee you’ll catch a quality fish.”

Those words of veteran ESPN angling broadcaster George Poveromo, who also hosts the annual Salt Water Sportsman National Seminar Series, had become permanently etched in my mind for almost three years.

But despite logging literally hundreds of trolling miles on the purple Yo-Zuri bonita lure, the plug had not yielded a single fish — or even a hit.

George Poveromo, all smiles after landing this large dolphin, will head up the Jan. 23 Salt Water Sportsman National Seminar Series in Islamorada. The touted Yo-Zuri lure was not utilized to catch this fish.

My frustration started after Poveromo published one of the best how-to dolphin fishing stories I had ever read in “Salt Water Sportsman” magazine. In the article, he touted the Yo-Zuri as a must-have lure.

After reading his prose, I wandered in to Captain Harry’s Fishing Supply in Miami and searched out the can’t-miss plug. Poveromo’s wonderful praise made me quickly forget about the $40 price tag.

Time after time, I trolled the Yo-Zuri behind my boat and, despite catching fish on other lures and natural baits, the Yo-Zuri failed to yield a strike.

I called Poveromo and expressed my disappointment.

“Just keep fishing with it,” he said. “The strikes will be few and far between, but it will be a quality fish that will bite that lure. I guarantee it.”

One day I was out fishing with “Sun-Sentinel” outdoors writer Steve Waters off the Upper Keys. I dragged the Yo-Zuri then, as well. After several hours, I replaced it with a blue and white Islander and almost immediately a nice dolphin gobbled up the presentation.

As I was cranking in the fish, Waters queried me about the lure. I explained that I had purchased it based on Poveromo’s glowing report.

Waters laughed and said, “Andy, don’t you know that Yo-Zuri sponsors George?”

The next day I called Poveromo. He assured me that, despite the sponsorship, the Yo-Zuri would produce.

Andy Newman displays his "quality fish" and the Yo-Zuri lure that made the catch possible. (Photo by Roy Hughes)

“Just keep fishing with it,” he said. “The strikes will be few and far between, but that lure will catch a quality fish. I guarantee it.”

Well, I kept fishing with that lure and finally about a year later I had success.

I was out with some friends chasing schoolie dolphin (mahi-mah) about 30 miles off Ocean Reef. We came upon a floating palette. There were no dolphin, but we did see about seven tripletail. We managed to nab four of those fish, including a biggie weighing almost 8 pounds.

Before we left, I decided we should try a deep-running bait in the event a wahoo was in the vicinity. Of course, I thought about the Yo-Zuri — the pride of Poveromo — and rigged it to a 50-pound Penn International.

We went ahead and moved several hundred yards away from the palette, circled around and came back dragging the Yo-Zuri behind the boat.

Three minutes later, the rod bent hard and the drag signaled a fish. I couldn’t believe it. In less then 10 minutes we gaffed a small wahoo, about 15 pounds.

George Poverormo (right), senior editor of "Salt Water Sportsman" magazine, presents Andy Newman with a wahoo mount at the Salt Water Sportsman Seminar Series in Islamorada.

I told Poveromo of the achievement and several months later, at the inaugural National Seminar Series seminar in Islamorada, he was kind enough to present me with a King Sailfish Mounts’ wahoo reproduction in front of the entire audience.

“Well, it’s about time,” he told me and an audience of about 400 anglers. “You see, I told you that you would catch a quality fish with that lure.”

I responded to George that, while the wahoo was a welcome surprise, at 15 pounds it certainly was not going to get me in the record books.

“You just keep fishing with that,“ Poveromo said. “I guarantee you …”

“I know,” I interrupted. “I’m going to catch a quality fish.”

###

Blogger’s Note 1: Poveromo is scheduled to stage another Keys-based seminar Saturday, Jan. 23, at the Coral Shores High School Performing Arts Theater, mile marker 89.9 in Islamorada. A number of Keys captains and guides will share the stage providing Keys angling tips. A ticket to the Seminar Series costs $55 per person and includes a year-long subscription or extension to “Salt Water Sportsman” magazine, as well as other incentives. To order tickets online — and for more information — visit www.nationalseminarseries.com.

Andy Newman has scored many blackfin tuna catches off Islamorada with this Rapala lure.

Blogger’s Note 2: Poveromo is no longer sponsored by Yo-Zuri, but recently announced an affiliation with Rapala. I have had personal experience with a red-and-white Rapala CDMAG14 lure and can verify its effectiveness when trolled quickly for blackfin tuna off the Florida Keys. It’s sensational … and I guarantee it!

Topics: Florida Keys, Islamorada, Key Largo, Keys Environment, Local Color, Marathon, On the Water

This might be her 31st year in the scuba diving business, but Amy Slate has not lost an ounce of her enthusiasm for diving, ocean preservation or the Key Largo community she’s called home since the 1970s. Owner and operator of Amy Slate’s Amoray Dive Resort, she’s living a dream of being connected to marine life that began when she was a child growing up in Miami.

Amy Slate, today the owner of Amoray Dive Resort, discovered her passion for the world beneath the sea at an early age. (Photo by Frazier Nivens)

At age 6, a swim with the dolphins at Key West’s Flipper Sea School launched Amy’s passion. Afterward, convinced she would spend her life in, on and around the ocean, she excitedly told her parents, “This is it!”

Years later, as a teacher in rural Jacksonville, Fla., Amy taught sixth-grade students lessons in all subjects with teaching tools derived from the ocean. Utilizing seashells, students learned how to take measurements, use multiplication and explore scientific origins by reading about shells and marine life.

Amy also conducted dive training classes at the YMCA. Yet the tug of her South Florida roots (coupled with morning frost on the car windows), were enough to make her decide, along with then-husband Spencer, to head for the Keys in 1978. There they started a dive business named Atlantis Dive Center.

Amy Slate shares her Upper Keys life with Labrador retrievers Mia and Tia. (Photo by Peter Lorber)

In 1992, Amy dissolved her personal and professional partnerships to branch out on her own with brother Justin. After years spent studying other dive resorts — “research” that involved diving with humpback whales in French Polynesia and on the reefs of Bonaire, Cozumel and the Caribbean — Amy opened Amy Slate’s Amoray Dive Resort.

The property, and its name, were born from Amy’s deep love for the ocean and a play on her Italian family roots in the province of Sant’ Agata di Puglia. After every dive trip, the Amoray boat crew plays “That’s Amore!” on the return to the dock, and the resort’s signature logo is a moray eel in the shape of a heart.

The resort reflects Amy’s love of the Keys environment. All rooms are named after reef fish and brightly decorated with Caribbean-style colors, tropical linens, furnishings and wall hangings.

Amy still dives at least two afternoons a week along the reefs and wrecks of Key Largo. (Photo by Frazier Nivens)

Over the years, Amy and Amoray have earned a reputation for excelling at underwater weddings. Amoray Dive Resort ceremonies have been featured in “People” magazine and on a television show hosted by Geraldo Rivera — who even blew a conch shell on-camera for his audience.

Amy’s activities, however, aren’t limited to operating the resort. She has focused on fundraisers for local dolphin care centers and shelters for women and children, has served on the board of the Reef Environmental Education Foundation, and is active in furthering coral restoration and transplantation projects with a local marine scientist.

Despite her wide-ranging travels, she believes the Florida Keys are still the best place to dive. In fact, she dives the Upper Keys’ Molasses Reef at least two afternoons a week to relax.

“Not everyone can live their passion,” Amy says. “But if you do what you love, the rest will follow.”

Topics: Florida Keys, Highlights, Key Largo, Keys Environment, On the Water, Profiles

What happens when several Florida Keys captains get together for a busman’s holiday angling trip?

Anglers on Captain Jim Sharpe's Sea Boots display some of the nine wahoo the contingent caught Dec. 8 in about 3.5 hours of fishing off the Lower Florida Keys. (Photo by Jose Hernandez)

They catch fish.

Tuesday, captains Mike Weinhofer and Rob Harris fished on Captain Jim Sharpe’s Sea Boots along with several of Sharpe’s neighbors, including Jose Hernandez, Al Burns, John Crockett and Albert Medina.

In about 3.5 hours of fishing, the contingent caught nine wahoo ranging from 22 to 65 pounds.

Fishing in about 125 feet of water off the Lower Keys, Sea Boots’ anglers high-speed trolled Williamson black and red Diamond and Rapala Mag 30 artificial lures.

“We hit ‘em sometimes six at a time,” said Sharpe. “We had a total of 18 fish to the boat, but we lost so many, because they were so big and they were all coming in at the same time.

“It was just insane,” Sharpe said of the successful outing.

Topics: Big Pine Key & Lower Keys, Florida Keys, Highlights, On the Water

They look like the clawed talons of some oversized prehistoric bird. That is, if the bird was dreamed up by a Disney animation specialist with a strange sense of humor. But these claws, orange-red and pale yellow and black, come from the ocean instead of the sky.

Stone crabs are most abundant in the Florida Keys, and considered a seafood delicacy. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

They’re stone crab claws, offering sweet and scrumptious meat that’s among the Florida Keys’ most popular (and deservedly famous) delicacies. Since the stone crab season began Oct. 15, these savory claws have appeared prominently on the menus of top Keys restaurants — triggering a virtual stampede of savvy seafood aficionados.

Typically the claws are satisfyingly large, closer in size to a two-pound Maine lobster’s claws than a blue crab’s claws. Their commercial harvest dates back to the 1930s in Keys inshore waters, and the hard ocean floor and favorable environment support healthy local crab populations.

Stone crabs have the ability to regenerate their claws, making them a renewable resource. Fishermen generally pull the larger of the two claws and return the crab to its natural environment.

The claws are usually cooked immediately after being brought to the dock, by placing them in boiling water and then bringing the water back to a boil. Total cooking time is about 7 or 8 minutes.

Bennett Orr of Keys Fisheries plucks stone crabs out of a trap. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

What’s the secret to cracking the smooth, hard shell of the claw to get at the meat inside? Forget those squeeze-together shell crackers. Instead, gently smack the shell with the back of a spoon, and it will crack cleanly.

The traditional dip for stone crab claws is made from mustard (choose your favorite) with mayonnaise or sour cream, plus extras like Worcestershire or A-1 sauce and salt and pepper to taste.

One of the best spots in the Keys to savor stone crab is Keys Fisheries, located in Marathon. You’ll find the super-casual eatery in an industrial region off the Overseas Highway, nestled right beside the waterfront, surrounded by commercial docks and mountains of crab traps.

A favorite of locals in the know, the establishment has a funky atmosphere that communicates the essence of the island chain’s laidback style. Guests sit at wooden picnic tables on an outdoor patio facing the Gulf of Mexico. Décor includes fishing nets and nautical art, and the stone crab claws have that fresh-off-the-boat flavor that can’t be surpassed.

Stone crab claws are a sought-after delicacy at the Original Marathon Seafood Festival. (Photo by Rob O'Neal, Florida Keys News Bureau)

Stone crabs are prized so highly in the Keys that they star in several food festivals — like the Key Largo Stone Crab & Seafood Festival at the end of January. Organizers report that this yummy event is chock full of fresh stone crabs, conch, local seafood, music, entertainment and fun for the entire family.

The Original Marathon Seafood Festival is so popular that some dedicated diners even plan their Middle Keys vacations around it. For more than three decades, local fishermen and their families have prepared stone crab claws and other fresh indigenous seafood for thousands of attendees who flock to the March event. Not surprisingly, it has become a beloved Keys tradition.

Happily for those of us who crave the tasty claws, the stone crab season continues each year through May 15. So head for your favorite Keys seafood emporium … and “get cracking” on a plateful.

Topics: Events, Festivals, Florida Keys, Food, Highlights, Key Largo, Marathon, On the Water, Restaurant Picks

(Editor’s Note: Larry Kahn, author of this week’s column, is the editor of the “Keynoter” newspaper and occasionally fishes off the Florida Keys.)

Why?

What gives you the right to tease me with your bait while I am offshore of the Florida Keys, minding my own business, feeding on a flying fish or two?

Guest blogger Larry "The Fish" and a pelagic pal share a face-to-face session pondering some big questions. (Photo by Andy Newman)

Who vested you with the right to troll with the sole aim of killing me so I can wind up on your grill, in your pan or deep inside your smoker, marinated with a nice touch of Key lime juice?

Who among you decided you could play God, reeling and reeling while I run and run until I can run no more?

Speaking for the fish, it is a bummer. And I can speak for my pelagic friends, because I live among them.

At least, once a year I do … during the annual Ladies, Let’s Go Fishing! seminar.

It’s called the no-yellin’ school of fishing for women, and includes intensive instruction on how to rig baits, tie knots, gaff fish and even dock a boat. It also showcases the proper technique to reel in a fish.

Portraying The Fish, Larry demonstrates finny fitness for Ladies, Let's Go Fishing students. (Photo courtesy of Ladies, Let's Go Fishing!)

Which is where I come in.

I am the tuna. The dolphin (i.e. mahi-mahi).

I am The Fish.

For the past two years, I’ve been put in a pool at the Holiday Isle Resort with a line attached to a belt around my waist.

It’s pretty simple. The women reel; I try to swim away from them. It teaches them not to allow slack line, to follow the fish as it moves in the water — and, ultimately, to wear out the fish.

Unfortunately for me, they learn well. And I learn what a fish goes through.

It starts out so innocently. Seminar founder Betty Bauman and her 60 students gather around the pool to practice the basics of reeling in a fish. While this is happening, they attach the line to my belt and I get in the water with flippers on.

Betty tries to reel me in. I swim to the other end of the pool, but not so easily. Swimming against her pressure is like being a salmon trying to swim upstream. Wait — they do that. I can’t.

The Ladies, Let's Go Fishing gang relaxes with the "catch of the day." (Photo courtesy of Ladies, Let's Go Fishing!)

After less than two minutes fighting that line, with 60 women watching and learning, I’m so worn out that I’m looking for a paramedic.

In just 10 minutes of being The Fish, I discover a newfound respect for the real fish that can fight for hours before being boated.

I am the lucky one that got away. To my finny friends less fortunate, I say only this: “Grill tastefully, my brothers. Grill tastefully.”

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Florida Keys, Islamorada, Keys Quirks, Local Color, On the Water

I know a lot about fish. I know hogfish is the best tasting fish in the entire universe, particularly when cooked with olive oil, capers and a squeeze of lime. I know dolphin (the fish, not the mammal) should be broiled with garlic, herbs, butter and maybe a dollop of pesto added at the last minute. And I know that, once you’ve tasted tuna salad made with fresh Keys tuna, you’ll never touch the canned stuff again.

Knowing how to "cook the catch" is a valuable skill ... but it leaves you dependent on those whose skills center on catching something for you to cook.

What I don’t know about fish is how to catch them. Fortunately, the Florida Keys are home to a breed of experts who can teach even a novice like me — as this essay by guest blogger Bob Serata, a local journalist and angler, attests.

*****

Sometimes being around one of the experienced charter captains or backcountry guides of the Florida Keys can be spooky.

Twenty-five miles from shore, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, the captain will call from the bridge, “Get those lines in.” Before long, a dolphin leaps or a wahoo starts its high-speed run.

Deep in the backcountry, on a shallow flat, the guide says, “Relax, the bones won’t be here for another 10 or 15 minutes.” Ten or 15 minutes later, three schools of bonefish cruise by.

Captain Sandy Moret, shown here with a bonefish, is an unparalleled angling expert who teaches eagerly-anticipated classes in the Upper Keys.

After shaking their heads in wonder, wise anglers realize that much can be learned from the offshore captains and backcountry guides of the Keys.

A primary subject of discussion is fish behavior — and the lessons come in one- or two-sentence factoids.

For example, dolphin congregate under schools of bait fish. Bait fish seek cover, so they school up under floating weed or debris. The bigger dolphin will be below the smaller “schoolies” near the surface.

Troll fast for tuna — faster for big tuna. Drop down for wahoo and kingfish (king mackerel).

Lower Keys flats guide Chris Robinson treats his anglers to a fishing experience, easygoing instruction and world-class stories.

Cast in front of the bonefish and be very, very quiet about it. Bow to a tarpon. Hang on for dear life when a permit runs.

Work the bottom for speckled trout. Or, work the surface for speckled trout. Sometimes the information seems contradictory, but that’s just because conditions change.

The captain’s job is to give anglers shots at catching fish. But the teaching goes on all day, even when the captain isn’t thinking about teaching.

Conversations during rides to fishing sites are good times to get questions answered. At the site, a “what’s that?” or “why stop here?” elicit an answer that encapsulates years of hard-learned experience.

Some backcountry guides specialize in teaching casting technique, especially with beginning fly anglers. But it’s important for the angler and guide to agree on the day’s objective.

Top tournament captains win tournaments because (a) they know where to find fish, (b) they work very hard, and (c) their anglers know how to cast. So novices or anglers who fish just a few times per year might be better served by finding a guide who welcomes the inexperienced caster.

Rick Berry, left, and mate K.J. Zeher show off a beautiful bull dolphin Rick caught while fishing on the Catch 22 off Islamorada. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Still, for Keys offshore captains and backcountry guides, teaching — or better, “coaching” — is an almost unconscious act.

Set the hook as hard as you can. Be gentle. Reel now. Reel as fast as you can. Slow down. Keep the rod tip up. Lean to your side. Let the fish run. Wait. Hurry. Cup it.

Advanced anglers will find support in their captains’ calls. The novice or vacation angler will find comfort in a steady stream of advice.

The problem for the angler is trying to remember all the information that’s been imparted.

Or worse, hearing that most feared of all comments on casting — “No, your other left.”

****

With such skilled instruction available, maybe someday soon I’ll catch the catch I cook. But meantime … you’ll find me in the kitchen, seasoning a fishing friend’s dolphin with garlic and herbs.

Topics: Big Pine Key & Lower Keys, Districts, Florida Keys, Highlights, Islamorada, Key Largo, Key West, Marathon, On the Water, Topics