Florida Keys residents and visitors will celebrate the 30th anniversary of the founding of the Conch Republic this month. But if it weren’t for one stalwart senior citizen, the Conch Republic might not exist. The ingenuity (and excellent memory) of Stuart Newman helped spawn the birth of the republic — a creative way to combat what residents believed to be an illegal action by the U.S. Border Patrol.

For 30 years, the flag of the Conch Republic has flown proudly in the Florida Keys.

It all started in 1982. Hoping to confiscate drugs and apprehend illegal immigrants, the Border Patrol set up a roadblock at the junction of the Keys and the Florida mainland, where agents inspected the trunks and glove compartments of every car leaving the island chain. (Just how many illegal immigrants could be stuffed into a glove compartment has not yet been determined!)

The resulting traffic jam at the upper end of the Florida Keys was humongous — stretching through Key Largo some 14 miles from the checkpoint itself. Naturally, that had a negative effect on tourism, seriously affecting local businesses. And unfortunately, five days of arguing the legality and practicality of such a checkpoint with the federales brought the Keys powers-that-be no closer to a solution.

What do to? Business and civic leaders pondered the problem until Stuart Newman, then 60 years old and head of the public relations agency that represented the Keys, had an inspiration. He recalled that during the Civil War, after Florida seceded from the Union to become a Confederate state, Key West seceded from Florida to become a Union stronghold.

Stuart Newman, one of the Conch Republic's founders, later discovered a Conch Republic-like nation in faraway New Zealand.

With that in mind, he suggested that the Keys secede from the United States. His suggestion led to the formation of the independent Conch Republic.

Civic leaders hurriedly made plans — and on April 23, 1982, a formal secession ceremony was held in Key West, the county seat. In quick succession ambassadors were appointed, a cabinet was named, and passports were issued. Wilhelmina Harvey, a beloved grande dame who was then 70 years old and mayor of the Keys’ Monroe County, was appointed Admiral of the Conch Republic Navy.

Just moments after seceding, the brand-new republic declared war on the United States and a battle ensued, with stale Cuban bread as the weapon of choice. After fighting for approximately 60 seconds, the Conch Republic surrendered and demanded a billion dollars in foreign aid.

The result? The republic received no foreign aid, but not long afterward the Border Patrol itself “surrendered.” The blockade was quietly removed, and business as usual (or UNusual) resumed.

In 1982, hundreds gathered to watch the historic secession ceremony and birth of the independent Conch Republic.

But every year since that historic day in 1982, the Conch Republic has celebrated its victory with a Keyswide festival. This month, the 30th anniversary of the original secession, festivities will take place in Key West and Key Largo — with highlights including a Key West re-enactment of the birth of the republic.

Among the planned activities are the so-called “world’s longest parade,” lively parties, an island heritage festival, a world-record attempt at conch shell blowing, a “drag” race and bed race, a high-heel-a-thon, and general merrymaking throughout the Keys. Key West will stage a great naval battle against the “evil” federal forces, while Key Largo will conclude its celebration with the “destruction” of the Jewfish Creek Bridge leading to the mainland.

And why not? Today, many of us who were young at the time of the secession are seniors ourselves. But whether you’re 18 or 80, chances are you’ve felt the urge to “secede” from your everyday life on occasion.

Since even a temporary abdication is good for body and soul, next time that urge strikes, don’t fight it. Simply pack a bag and head for the place that made a success of secession — the glorious Conch Republic.