The theme song of the popular Disney Channel children’s television show “Phineas and Ferb” describes kids’ ultimate summer dilemma in its opening lines: “There’s 104 days of summer vacation, and school comes along just to end it. So the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it.”

At some Keys centers, even young children can participate in magical dolphin encounters.

You can solve that dilemma in the Upper and Middle Keys, an area jam-packed with activities sure to make summer days unforgettable for kids and families.

For example …

Make friends with herons, owls, pelicans and egrets at the Florida Keys Wild Bird Center. The Florida Keys Wild Bird Center is a bird rehabilitation facility located in Tavernier at mile marker 93.6. An Upper Keys landmark, it’s home to more than 100 ill, injured or orphaned wild birds — all housed in a natural setting on more than five acres of land. The main attraction is the daily pelican feeding, set for about 3:30 p.m., that typically draws hundreds of wild pelicans hungry for fish.

The Florida Keys Wild Bird Center is open every day during daylight hours. There’s no admission fee, but donations are requested.

Marine life and lively parrots intrigue young visitors to Islamorada's Theater of the Sea.

Swim with stingrays, dolphins or sea lions at Theater of the Sea. A lush 17-acre tropical oasis located in Islamorada at mile marker 84.5, Theater of the Sea is filled with scores of fish and marine life, native birds, colorful and engaging parrots, sea turtles, crocodiles and exotic plants. General admission includes live performances by dolphins, sea lions and parrots, a guided tour of marine-life exhibits and a glass-bottom boat tour of their natural saltwater lagoon.

Theater of the Sea also hosts special swim programs with dolphins, stingrays and sea lions for kids as young as 5 — and dolphin wade programs for kids as young as 3. The park opens daily at 9:30 a.m.

Discover shells, fish tanks and history at Crane Point Hammock in Marathon. Crane Point Hammock is a 63-acre environmental and archaeological preserve that offers a wide range of intriguing activities for kids and families.

Several Keys facilities teach kids (and grownups!) about the exotic-looking featured denizens of the island chain.

The historically curious can visit Adderley House, a simple home built in 1906 by a Bahamian immigrant who was a sponge fisherman, boatman and charcoal maker. Adventure seekers can get up close and personal with the museum’s touch tank that features sea urchins and starfish, or explore a large lagoon inhabited by nurse sharks and tropical fish. Nature lovers can hike along one of the nature trails or visit the Marathon Wild Bird Center, a haven for feathered friends in need.

Located at mile marker 50.5, Crane Point Hammock is open Monday though Saturday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m.

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For kids (and kids at heart), a world of excitement awaits during “summer vacation” in the Middle and Upper Keys. To discover more “keys” to enjoying the island chain, just click here.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Environment, Highlights, Islamorada, Key Largo, Local Color, Marathon

Watching a turtle release, and seeing the rehabilitated “patient” returned to the blue Keys waters where it belongs, can make you cry.

Ryan Butts of the Keys' Turtle Hospital releases Kentucky, the loggerhead sea turtle, into the Atlantic next to the Seven Mile Bridge. (Photo by Andy Newman, Florida Keys News Bureau)

At least, it can make ME cry. There’s something about seeing the turtle slip into its saltwater habitat and swim joyfully away (okay, I’m anthropomorphizing here, but trust me — their entire shell-covered bodies radiate joy) that touches the heart and inspires a powerful sense of oneness with the natural order.

Such was the feeling recently when Ryan Butts, administrator of the Florida Keys Turtle Hospital, released “Kentucky,” a 10-year-old loggerhead sea turtle, into the Atlantic Ocean next to the Seven Mile Bridge in Marathon.

Even before the release, Kentucky (named for his discoverers’ home state) was one lucky creature — because the Turtle Hospital is the probably the best place in the world for a sick or hurt turtle to wind up.

Located in Marathon, the hospital is the world’s only licensed veterinary hospital dedicated to treating sea turtles. It’s so highly acclaimed that airlines have been known to fly turtles injured in the Caribbean to Miami, where hospital staffers meet them in their turtle ambulance (yes, they really have one — I’ve seen it!) and drive them down to the facility for care.

Governor Charlie Crist (shown here at right) helps release a sea turtle in the Keys after its treatment at the Turtle Hospital. (Photo by Bob Care, Florida Keys News Bureau)

The hospital’s primary goal is to treat injured sea turtles and return them to the wild whenever possible. On top of that, founders and staff work tirelessly to raise public awareness about sea turtles and their needs, collaborate with state universities on sea turtle research, and work toward environmental legislation that makes the beaches and water safer and cleaner for their charges.

Each time a “patient” is returned to health, its release is a joyful occurrence. Even Florida’s governor, Charlie Crist, has helped send a couple of the recovered creatures back to their watery homes — including a 140-pound green sea turtle that was serendipitously named Charlie.

But turtles aren’t the only marine denizens that find help in the Keys when they need it. Ailing dolphins, whales and manatees encounter willing and dedicated rescuers ready to lend a hand.

Caring professionals do their best to assess and provide what these marine mammals need so they can return to their pods or habitual territory. Assisting the trained professionals are volunteers — parents and kids, energetic 20-somethings and weathered seniors, first-time visitors and longtime residents — drawn together by the need to help.

Rescuers from the Keys' Marine Mammal Conservancy extricate a stranded infant whale from a mangrove island. (Photo by Bob Care, Florida Keys News Bureau)

The volunteers are particularly vital during whale strandings, when one or more whales are found in shallow water, disoriented and often seriously ill. Such whales are generally moved to sheltered lagoons for care and rehabilitation — and people are needed 24/7 to stand in the water holding the “patients” upright to make sure their blowholes remain above water.

A few years back, one of those volunteers was my husband. He doesn’t look like a whale rescuer — he’s stocky, laid-back and not very athletic. But when a pygmy sperm whale was found just a few feet off a popular local pier, he spent 18 hours in the water holding her. And that was after he nonchalantly hopped on a jet ski (for the first time in his life) to provide escort while the whale was transported several miles to a safe lagoon in an in-water sling.

I too had a volunteer assignment: driving the whale’s blood samples to a lab for testing and picking up fishy food rations in my trusty Chevy Explorer, which was quickly nicknamed the Squidmobile.

But what we did wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Each time there’s a turtle or marine mammal in need, dozens of people appear, seemingly out of nowhere, to help with whatever might be necessary at the time.

To me, that’s one of the things that makes the Keys such a magical place. And Kentucky the turtle, if he could reached in his blue-water habitat, would almost certainly agree.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Environment, Highlights, Marathon, On the Water, Voices Main Archive

News flash … there’s a quartet of new kittens at the Ernest Hemingway Home & Museum.

Don’t head over to the property, the Key West home of the legendary author throughout the 1930s, expecting to see the tiny bundles of fur just yet. Born on Valentine’s Day, they’re living in a secure and secluded corner with their mother until they get older, well away from the crowds that flock to the literary mecca every day.

The friendly felines that inhabit the Hemingway home have become almost as big an attraction as Ernest's legacy. (Photo by Rob O'Neal/Florida Keys News Bureau)

After all, the house may be the place where Hemingway spent the most productive years of his life, writing 70 percent of his classic works — but at this unique spot, the cats come first.

According to Dave Gonzales of the Hemingway house, that’s nothing new; Ernest himself was fascinated by felines.

“Hemingway was very much a cat lover,” said Dave. “He preferred the polydactyls — the six-toed cats that are world famous and sometimes called Hemingway cats.”

Hemingway lived in the Key West home, a Spanish colonial villa at 907 Whitehead St., from 1931 through 1939 with his second wife Pauline and their two sons. During that time he worked on many of his best-known novels and short stories — among them “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” and the Key West-based “To Have and Have Not,” his only novel set in the United States — in a small second-story writing studio behind the house.

Fittingly, the property was recently designated a literary landmark.

Today, visitors touring the home-turned-museum are likely to find a cat or two unconcernedly sprawled on the studio table or napping on Hemingway’s former bed. Scores of them roam the grounds, seemingly secure in the knowledge that they belong there — and probably aware that they’ve become as big an attraction as the legacy of the author himself.

Toured by large numbers of visitors daily, the Hemingway property became a museum in 1964 and was recently designated a literary landmark. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Most are named for Hemingway contemporaries or noted personalities (for example, Spencer Tracy, Gertrude Stein and Emily Dickinson) and many of them have oversized, slightly comical six-toed paws.

They owe their extra digit, Dave explained, to Snowball.

Snowball was Hemingway’s first polydactyl cat — given to the author’s sons, Patrick and Gregory, by a sea captain after the boys ran some errands for him. Captains, it seems, had a particular fondness for six-toed felines.

“They were thought to give the captains calm seas, prevailing winds and safe passages on their journeys,” said Dave. “They were considered lucky cats or mystical cats — therefore, captains being very superstitious, they had the cats on board the ship for their mystical or magical powers as well as their ability to catch mice better with that extra digit.”

Did Snowball’s “magic” have anything to do with Hemingway’s literary prowess during his Key West years? Who knows — but, for Ernest and family as for many other island residents, one cat led to another. Eventually, according to Dave, some 50 cats roamed the property.

Felines loom even larger at the Ernest Hemingway Home & Museum today than they did in the legendary author's day. (Photo by Andy Newman/ Florida Keys News Bureau)

About the same number live at the Hemingway home today, and they’re pampered as befits the descendants (whether actual or honorary) of a literary giant’s muse “meows.” Their lives consist of good food, naps in sunny spots, admiration from an unceasing stream of visitors, and health care from a veterinarian who makes house calls every Wednesday.

Naturally, the birth of a litter of kittens is an occasion for great joy.

“We average one litter a year, and that litter carries the bloodline of Ernest Hemingway’s original clan of cats,” said Dave.

The mama cat is still very protective of the property’s four newest arrivals, so it’s hard to tell if their tiny paws have extra toes or not. But either way, their place in the world is assured — as members of the famed feline family at Key West’s Hemingway home.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Arts, Highlights, Key West, Local Color, Quirks, Voices Main Archive

The Loch Ness Monster spent the winter in Key West a couple of years ago.

Actually, a lot of celebrities have wintered on the subtropical island where daytime temps in January and February generally exceed 70 degrees.

New York artist Cameron Gainer settles the Loch Ness Monster into its winter home in a Key West pond at the beginning of the 2008 Sculpture Key West exhibition. (Photo by Rob O'Neal/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Robert Frost, for one — the renowned poet abandoned New England for a cottage on Key West’s Caroline Street each winter from 1945 to 1960.

But until a couple of years ago, though Key Westers had seen plenty of snowbirds flocking to the southernmost city to escape the northern cold, they’d never seen anything like the Loch Ness Monster.

Nessie journeyed south on a boat trailer with New York artist Cameron Gainer, who was participating in the 2008 Sculpture Key West exhibition. The annual juried exhibition features work in many types of traditional and experimental media, displayed beside the island’s Civil War-era forts and public gardens — and in several other “surprise” locations around Key West.

Nessie, who turned out to be quite a surprise indeed, was destined for a winter home in a local pond at the entrance to Key West’s picturesque Old Town. But installing the 12-foot by 12.5-foot foam-and-fiberglass monster in the pond was no easy task.

Nessie isn't the only sculpted creature to visit Key West during the annual Sculpture Key West display. Here, artist Doug Makemson introduces "Henry," a nine-foot steel dog that starred in a previous exhibition. (Photo courtesy of Sculpture Key West)

Cameron was inspired to create Nessie by a 1934 photo that supposedly showed its humped back and long curving neck rising out of Scotland’s Loch Ness. To settle the monster in its warm-water winter home, he donned a wetsuit and jumped into the pond to guide the installation.

A Bobcat tractor, a small floating platform and a thick rope “leash” were required in the effort, which drew double-takes and laughter from passing drivers.

For the rest of that winter, much to the delight of absurdity-loving locals, Nessie startled unsuspecting passersby as they entered the historic Old Town district.

The 2010 Sculpture Key West exhibition doesn’t feature any legendary monsters — but that’s perfectly okay, because it includes plenty of other intriguing examples of artistry.

A sailboat is framed by the wood sculpture "Forest of Souls" on display at Sculpture Key West 2010. The wooden hoop by artist Jonathan Schork is composed of buttonwood, Brazilian pepper and Australian pine branches. (Photo by Rob O'Neal/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Thirty-some artists hailing from Paris, Berlin and 11 American states are showcasing their work in three venues at this year’s exhibition: the waterfront grounds of Fort Zachary Taylor Historic State Park, the tranquil and inspiring home of the Key West Garden Club at West Martello Tower, and the Key West Tropical Forest & Botanical Garden near the entrance to Key West.

Favorite sculptures include an 18-foot-tall wooden hoop-shaped memorial, a commentary on consumerism crafted out of recycled plastic bags, and an interactive “musical chairs” installation made (believe it or not) from discarded brass instruments that people can actually play.

At all three locations, the sculptures will remain on display through April 16.

Take a tip from a longtime Keys local who’s seen many previous Sculpture Key West exhibitions — Nessie might not be lurking around, but even so this is a “monstrously” good show. If you’re in the Keys, don’t miss it!

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Arts, Festivals, Key West, Local Color, Quirks, Voices Main Archive

Some people might dread a mundane workweek, ticking off the days on the calendar until their next vacation. But not Armando “Mandy” Rodriguez. The guiding spirit behind Marathon’s Dolphin Research Center, or DRC, Mandy calls his job a blessing and a gift — one that the Vietnam veteran says rescued him from deep post-war despair.

Mandy Rodriguez, the guiding spirit behind Dolphin Research Center, enjoys a quiet moment with a couple of good buddies. (Photos courtesy of DRC)

In 1984, Mandy and his then-wife Jayne Shannon-Rodriguez founded the nonprofit DRC after working as head trainer and manager of the research facility that previously existed on the property.

Now, more than 25 years later, both remain actively involved in DRC’s operation. Their underlying philosophies — to teach the world about marine mammals’ innate intelligence and problem-solving skills, as well as how to care for and protect them — are the principles that guide the facility.

With its protective environment for dolphins and sea lions, DRC draws national and international visitors to the Florida Keys. It’s also a center where people can increase their awareness of marine mammals and environmental conservation.

In addition, DRC is a great place to learn and work for young people pursuing careers in research and animal behaviors.

Under Mandy's watchful eye, dolphins Kibby, AJ and Tanner have some fun taking turns on a training platform.

Mandy’s connection to marine mammals, however, predates DRC. It began during his childhood in Cuba.

“I was taught to swim before I could walk, exposed to mammals at an early age,” said Mandy, who arrived in the United States at age 10. “I was an ocean brat.”

When he was 20, after fighting in the Vietnam War, Mandy worked at the Miami Seaquarium as “low man on the assistant trainer totem pole.” The experience left him unfulfilled and in search of a teaching institution.

He found it at the New England Aquarium in Boston, where he trained with harbor seals, sea lions and fur seals. Yet it was interaction with dolphins that ultimately captured his attention and became his passion.

A trio of "mellow fellows" share a swim in DRC's protected waters. The center has performed groundbreaking research on dolphin intelligence.

Mandy’s war experiences had left him edgy and suffering from persistent post-traumatic stress disorder. He credits the dolphins — their energy, behavioral responses, ability to evoke emotions and calm the soul — with helping him coexist better with fellow humans, including those who had harassed and persecuted him when he returned from Vietnam.

“The dolphins taught me to live life, accept life and to be … a mellow fellow,” said Mandy.

Now that he has spent decades with the gentle cetaceans, he admits to having a few favorites: Kibby, a resident of DRC for nearly 30 years, 21-year-old A.J. and his 7-year-old son Tanner, whose cognitive abilities earned him a brainiac reputation as the “jock who’s smart.”

The “four boys” like to play and romp together, with the dolphins gathering around for the kisses that Mandy generously doles out — all while maintaining an eye contact that demonstrates the trust between them.

“They taught me to have fun in life, to eat, play and make love,” said Mandy of the dolphins. “Anyone that goes wrong with that is nuts.”

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Environment, Highlights, Marathon, Profiles

(Editor’s Note: Larry Kahn, author of this week’s column, is the editor of the “Keynoter” newspaper and occasionally fishes off the Florida Keys.)

Why?

What gives you the right to tease me with your bait while I am offshore of the Florida Keys, minding my own business, feeding on a flying fish or two?

Guest blogger Larry "The Fish" and a pelagic pal share a face-to-face session pondering some big questions. (Photo by Andy Newman)

Who vested you with the right to troll with the sole aim of killing me so I can wind up on your grill, in your pan or deep inside your smoker, marinated with a nice touch of Key lime juice?

Who among you decided you could play God, reeling and reeling while I run and run until I can run no more?

Speaking for the fish, it is a bummer. And I can speak for my pelagic friends, because I live among them.

At least, once a year I do … during the annual Ladies, Let’s Go Fishing! seminar.

It’s called the no-yellin’ school of fishing for women, and includes intensive instruction on how to rig baits, tie knots, gaff fish and even dock a boat. It also showcases the proper technique to reel in a fish.

Portraying The Fish, Larry demonstrates finny fitness for Ladies, Let's Go Fishing students. (Photo courtesy of Ladies, Let's Go Fishing!)

Which is where I come in.

I am the tuna. The dolphin (i.e. mahi-mahi).

I am The Fish.

For the past two years, I’ve been put in a pool at the Holiday Isle Resort with a line attached to a belt around my waist.

It’s pretty simple. The women reel; I try to swim away from them. It teaches them not to allow slack line, to follow the fish as it moves in the water — and, ultimately, to wear out the fish.

Unfortunately for me, they learn well. And I learn what a fish goes through.

It starts out so innocently. Seminar founder Betty Bauman and her 60 students gather around the pool to practice the basics of reeling in a fish. While this is happening, they attach the line to my belt and I get in the water with flippers on.

Betty tries to reel me in. I swim to the other end of the pool, but not so easily. Swimming against her pressure is like being a salmon trying to swim upstream. Wait — they do that. I can’t.

The Ladies, Let's Go Fishing gang relaxes with the "catch of the day." (Photo courtesy of Ladies, Let's Go Fishing!)

After less than two minutes fighting that line, with 60 women watching and learning, I’m so worn out that I’m looking for a paramedic.

In just 10 minutes of being The Fish, I discover a newfound respect for the real fish that can fight for hours before being boated.

I am the lucky one that got away. To my finny friends less fortunate, I say only this: “Grill tastefully, my brothers. Grill tastefully.”

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Islamorada, Local Color, On the Water, Quirks, Voices Main Archive

Not long ago, Penn Alexander realized the balance of nature in his Old Town Key West neighborhood was definitely out of whack.

Armando Parra, left, formerly the official chicken catcher of Key West, shows an indigenous fowl to Penn Alexander and a lovely "chick." (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

One evening, when he was listening to a vintage Eagles CD in his hundred-year-old cottage, Penn glanced down at the plastic cat crate that housed a wounded Key West chicken he’d rescued from a marauding hawk. There on top of the crate snoozed his large gold tabby cat, clearly uninterested in the feathered inhabitant and what should have been their predator/prey relationship.

In Key West, however, most relationships involving chickens transcend traditional boundaries. The island’s indigenous poultry, probably descended from roosters bred generations ago for cockfights and hens kept for eggs, roams historic Old Town at will. Private cars and taxis stop to let chickens and their babies cross the road, visitors coo and cluck as they snap photos of the meandering fowl, and roosters can be heard crowing not just at dawn, but whenever they feel like it.

While most Key Westers accept the chickens as part of the egg-ccentric island they love — and some, like Penn, feed or shelter them — a few anti-poultry proponents claim the population is too noisy and growing too fast.

Joe Liszka, one of the Key Westers who hatched ChickenFest, appears at a city meeting with a feathered friend. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

In fact, in 2004 city officials hired a chicken catcher to round up and relocate almost half of the city’s estimated 2,000 birds to a mainland farm. Armando Parra, a third-generation island resident, barber and amateur ornithologist, caught eight chickens in humane traps during his first day on the job — but his new career was thwarted by the efforts of poultry lovers, who freed trapped fowl at every opportunity.

The resultant commotion led to (I am not kidding here) a four-day festival that was quickly dubbed ChickenFest — hatched by some local event coordinators to give chicken lovers something to crow about.

Fowl fanciers flocked to participate, dressing in full-body yellow chicken suits and feathered headdresses, covering their noses with vinyl rooster beaks and donning red and yellow plush chicken-head caps.

“The Original Chickens,” the brainchild of a Key West accountant, cavort during the “Fowl Follies” costume competition that took place during ChickenFest Key West. (Photo by Mike Hollar/Florida Keys News Bureau)

The highlight was a Poultry in Motion Parade that featured 10-foot-tall dancing chickens, a Colonel Sanders look-alike, a flock of renegade roosters staging a “coop d’etat” against hapless humans, and a 12-foot “Chicken Caesar” — a toga-wearing rooster reclining on a chariot-drawn chaise and waving a regal wing to parade spectators. In the face of that kind of support, the poultry population’s “hard-boiled” detractors didn’t stand a chance.

Today, although ChickenFest is no longer held, chickens rule the roost in Key West. The island’s hens and roosters have become the subject of oil paintings and watercolors, giant sculptures in neighborhood parks and locally published children’s books.

If you’re seeking chicken companionship during a visit to the island, stop by Key West’s funky Blue Heaven, a renowned eatery whose fans include famed singer/songwriter Jimmy Buffett.

Blue Heaven’s  “breakfast with the roosters,” served in an outdoor courtyard where resident hens and chicks wander freely, features items ranging from lobster and shrimp benedicts to sinfully good homemade pancakes and banana bread.

Or, if you know Penn Alexander, just head over to his place. The little hen he rescued, now named Henrietta, has become a pet whose daily treat is a smidgen of cat food filched from Penn’s orange tabby.

The cat doesn’t seem to mind a bit.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Events, Festivals, Key West, Local Color, Quirks

“Balloon Dog” has landed at Key West’s Fantasy Fest 10-day masking and costuming festival, offering a zany canine counterpoint to the alleged “Balloon Boy” hoax that recently drew worldwide attention.

Jim Brooks checks the so-called weather balloon affixed to his "Balloon Dog," Brutus, at Key West's Fantasy Fest Pet Masquerade. (Photos by Rob O'Neal, Florida Keys News Bureau)

The appearance of “Balloon Dog,” however, was the real thing. Lower Keys resident Jim Brooks attached a pseudo weather balloon to a harness worn by his English bulldog, Brutus, to compete in the Fantasy Fest Pet Masquerade. His inspiration, of course, was the much-publicized saga of the Colorado boy supposedly carried away by a homemade weather balloon that took off after he climbed inside it.

“I imagined, over a couple of beverages, what would happen if my dog did that,” said Jim.

Perhaps fortunately for his credibility, Jim didn’t specify the type of beverage that led to his imaginings. He did, however, outline some of the logistical challenges he faced in creating the costume.

According to Jim, he originally envisioned Brutus actually floating in midair beneath a helium balloon — but Internet research revealed that lifting the 65-pound dog would necessitate a surprisingly large supply of helium.

“It was going to require a 21-foot-diameter weather balloon, and the National Weather Service wouldn’t let me borrow one,” Jim said.

It's hard to tell who looks more alien here -- but clearly, this duo dropped in from its home planet to participate in the Pet Masquerade.

Jim and “Balloon Dog” weren’t the only offbeat competitors that paraded across the Pet Masquerade stage. The contest for “party animals” drew more than 80 entries starring costumed dogs, cats, tropical birds and unusual pets such as two African tortoises dressed as members of the fictional “Addams Family.” (Honestly, I’m not making this up. The tortoises, whose names are Topsy and Toast, and their two human companions won — and deserved — the masquerade’s grand prize.)

Other crowd favorites included a tiny canine dressed as a popular sandwich chain’s trademark “$5 foot-long,” a “peacock dog” that shook its exotic tail feathers at spectators, and a man who donned blue and yellow feather boas to impersonate the blue-and-gold macaw he carried.

Which one is the REAL blue-and-gold macaw? Jim Cozzi and his bird Bob sport lookalike blue and yellow feathers.

An entry dubbed “Mary Had a Little Lamb” featured a woman named Mary, who wore a sexy shepherdess dress, leading two big dogs costumed as lambs. During her stint onstage, Mary said she thought wearing the costumes was making her dogs feel (yes, you know what’s coming) a little sheepish.

How creative and quirky were this year’s Pet Masquerade competitors? Well, the bearded dragon that “rode” around the stage perched on a self-propelled toy Harley did NOT win the top prize for being the most exotic entry.

Actually, neither did “Balloon Dog.” But that’s okay, because he was the darling of the film crews shooting the animal antics. Like the Colorado family that inspired his costume, Brutus is pretty sure to show up on television screens all across America.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Events, Festivals, Highlights, Key West, LGBT, Local Color, Quirks

It’s not easy to costume a cat. Particularly when the cat is a 20-pound male Norwegian Forest Cat named Alex, who’s very conscious of his dignity, and the costume is a tasteful silk dress and a rope of pearls.

Clearly, Alex is not yet comfortable in his Pet Masquerade attire.

Getting him used to his finery is likely to be a lengthy process involving hisses, claws and curses (both human and feline), but I’m determined to prevail. And I’m not alone in this odd purr-suit.

All over the Florida Keys, otherwise sane people are constructing costumes for their cats, dogs, ferrets, potbellied pigs, ducks and heaven knows what other domestic species. The people are absolutely serious about this enterprise, though most of the animals are as uneasy as Alex.

What’s behind this strange phenomenon? A costume competition for critters, known as the WKEYZ Pet Masquerade and Parade, which is a highlight of Key West’s 10-day Fantasy Fest masking and costuming celebration that’s held each October.

The animal antics take place on an oceanfront stage at Key West’s historic Casa Marina Resort & Beach Club. And believe me, the fur really flies when several dozen costumed pets and their people strut their stuff in front of a few thousand enthusiastic spectators.

Past Pet Masquerade entries have ranged from the simple to the extraordinarily intricate ... like this one involving a very patient dog. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Entries usually range from simple pet-and-person duos to multi-member animal-and-human ensembles attempting to perform musical numbers. A panel of bemused judges awards prizes in categories including most exotic attire and pet-owner look-alikes.

Among the more bizarre past entries have been a flock of giant “chicken people” who cavorted onstage with a dog named Weasel to the strains of the “Super Chicken” cartoon theme song, a duck lounging in a bathtub on wheels, a team of miniature dachshunds pulling a miniature covered wagon, a parakeet riding in a tiny remote-controlled car, and a musical salute to Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” featuring a blonde-wigged Borzoi hound costumed as “Birds” actress Tippi Hedren.

The Borzoi was a regular Pet Masquerade contender whose human companion, Madeleine Burnside, delighted in staging complex song-and-dance routines featuring the dog and a multi-person entourage.

One year, Key West mortgage banker David Koontz was a member of that entourage. For reasons known only to Madeleine, the costume she chose for him included a large cutlass and purple body paint applied liberally to his skin and hair.

Kelsey Morris and her duck Prissy shared "top billing" in a past Pet Masquerade. (Photo by Andy Newman/Florida Keys News Bureau)

Unfortunately, she neglected to tell him the body paint didn’t wash off very well. The day after Pet Masquerade, David flew to New York City to attend a high-level national mortgage bankers’ conference — where he spent most of his time explaining why his skin and hair had a distinct purple hue.

With 2009’s Pet Masquerade set for Oct. 28, Florida Keys pet lovers are stitching sequins and feathers onto costumes, reluctant animals are fleeing from fittings, and David Koontz is avoiding both body paint and Borzois.

As for me, I’m still trying to convince Alex the Norwegian Forest Cat that he looks terrific in a silk dress and pearls.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Events, Festivals, Highlights, Key West, LGBT, Local Color, Quirks

It’s called the No Name Pub, and it bills itself as the oldest pub in Florida. It might also be the hardest to find — the quirky eatery lies off U.S. Highway 1 in the Lower Florida Keys, down a winding road and over a humpbacked bridge in an individualistic settlement known as No Name Key.

You have to venture off the proverbial beaten path to find the No Name Pub, but the experience is well worth it. (Photo courtesy of the No Name Pub)

This out-of-the-way location doesn’t keep people from discovering the local landmark — or falling in love with its historic Florida Keys charm, world-class pizza and ramshackle décor that includes interior walls papered with dollar bills.

What is now the pub first opened as a general store and bait and tackle shop in 1931. In 1936, the owners began serving food; in the late 1930s they opened a brothel in an upstairs storage room.

The restaurant proved more popular than the brothel (no doubt a surprise to certain ladies eager to earn extra money!). The latter faded away, while the pub started attracting an ever-larger following.

Serious enjoyment and ramshackle decor characterize the quirky No Name Pub. (Photo courtesy of the No Name Pub)

Amenities in subsequent years included a honky-tonk atmosphere and amusements ranging from pool to less savory games of chance — some reputedly run by the local sheriff.

The pub’s famous pizza was born in 1960, prepared according to a recipe imported by two Italian cooks. It proved to be such an enduring draw that today it’s modestly promoted as “the best pizza in the known universe.”

You can choose traditional varieties or gourmet delights like a Keys shrimp pizza (a must-have treat — the combination of bubbly, slightly salty cheese and the Keys’ own sweet pink shrimp is impossible to resist).

The pub's individualistic character is exemplified by its funky casual signs -- like the ones pictured here. (Photo courtesy of the No Name Pub)

As the pub’s nearly 70 years of popularity prove, when great food and laidback Keys flavor come together, “no name” is no barrier to success.

The place itself may be hard to find, but its website is easy. Visit www.nonamepub.com for a glimpse of the landmark’s offbeat character, historic photos, menu highlights and a more-or-less exact address (actually, you find it by turning off U.S. Highway 1 at mile marker 30.5 bayside and then following the winding road … but resign yourself to the inevitability of getting lost at least once).

AND WHILE YOU’RE LOST … EXPLORE THESE!

Big-eyed and shy, Key deer can be spotted throughout the Lower Keys widlife refuge created to protect them. (Photo courtesy of Andy Newman, Florida Keys News Bureau)

NATIONAL KEY DEER REFUGE, down Key Deer Boulevard off U.S. 1 at mile marker 30.5 bayside. At first, you might wonder what all the fuss is about. Then you see one — a big-eyed Key deer, no taller than a good-sized Doberman, standing at the roadside in an instant of arrested motion before it scampers away — and you’re hooked on the tiny critters. The best times to spot them are early morning and dusk, and they wander freely in the refuge. The refuge has an informative visitors’ center located in Big Pine Key’s Winn Dixie Shopping Center.

THE BLUE HOLE, within the Key Deer Refuge down Key Deer Boulevard off U.S. 1 at mile marker 30.5 bayside. This was originally an old rock quarry used in the construction of the Overseas Railroad that connected the Keys to mainland Florida (and to each other) in the early 1900s. Today it’s a freshwater habitat for alligators and wading birds. Spend a few minutes at this secluded oasis, before or after your pizza, and you’ll swear you’ve been transported back in time to the Keys’ early days.

Topics: Animal Ambassadors, Big Pine Key & Lower Keys, Environment, Food, Highlights, History, Local Color, Quirks, Restaurant Picks, Voices Main Archive